I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
