Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
