Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize