I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
