but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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