I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize