Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
soo... how was my night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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