oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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