you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
