one two three fourrrrnication!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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