And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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