I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
