fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
