After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
