I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
