so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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