WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
