he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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