He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
