Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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