I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
