I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
