i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
