I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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