My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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