You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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