do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
