I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
