I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
