you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
