i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
