Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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