Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
pray to the hookup gods
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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