Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
