remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my being single is dangerous.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
