If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
