We're facebook friends in real life
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
They have beer where we have blood.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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