wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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