Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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