roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize