just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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