Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
