dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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