This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
