I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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