Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
