Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
