fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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