Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
