I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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