I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
