i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
