Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Non-Jews are for practice
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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