I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
