Just fell off a train. Bad.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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