look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
