Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
