TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
