Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
