and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
