Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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