well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
