I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
