I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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