do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
