It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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