just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
