She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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