Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
