I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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