why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
