i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
